However you answer to these question, you are not alone. I read a news article about a man who allegedly strangled his wife, bent her in half, and placed her in a drum, which he then filled with cement. No one saw or heard from her since she left work at a diner where they both worked. Shortly thereafter, the husband left town, having moved about 50 or so miles away in another town. The drum was discovered in the basement of the apartment building in which they lived. One can almost bet that no one saw nor heard a thing, although this building is presumably occupied with many other renters. If other tenants observed a domestic dispute, they dismissed it as none of their business. They worked together, so I don't believe that other employees didn't notice her with bruises, see them fighting, heard any abusive arguments, etc. This woman was a mother of an 11-month old.
I wonder, where were the neighbors? Did anyone report any abuse or did they simply listen through the walls as they fought and/or peep through their windows and the holes in their doors? Did the locals simply gossip about this woman, make jokes and call her names behind her back? Where were her friends and/or family on both sides, and why didn't they step in before a child was left motherless...a child that may have been traumatized by the domestic abuse and may have seen what happened to its mother. The complex now holds a candle-light vigil in honor of this woman. "Honor" when she's dead and can't know nor respond. It makes me think of the Island saying which means, "give me flowers when I'm alive and can appreciate them, not when I'm dead and don't know a thing"...
To me, male tenants seem to have it much easier than female tenants (well except maybe for parents since the kids are great at mingling at the pool, etc.; and parents make extra efforts to provide association for their kids, especially if the kids in the community don't go to school together). In the case of the men, people look them in the eyes and invite them over or out for dinner or to watch the games (they are single and probably won't cook often so why not...). For especially the single women, it appears other women look past them straight ahead, look at their own kids or pets, some even "pretend to be doing something" so they "don't hear" the greeting. Others, if they are with their men, simply pretend the woman passing is invisible and keep eyes on their man just in case he looks or says hello, which they usually do, because the men speak even if the greeting was meant for both people. I sometimes wonder whether the men get into "trouble" because they acknowledged a greeting...risked being in the "dog house". LOL Whether or not people know that a woman is working from home as a massage therapist or not, they, in general will usually view the single woman next door in a weird light.....and learning she's an MT might make things even more weird.
Regardless, it appears men have it easier moving in next door. Just this past weekend my colleague, who's recently moved into his apartment complex, told me he was invited out on a Saturday-night dinner date by two females who share an apartment immediately next door. These are people he says nothing more than hello to while passing. He was sitting at the pool in front of both their apartments a few weeks prior and one woman sent her child to ask whether he drank wine. He was puzzled, but said yes, so out came a glass of wine. Next, he was provided dinner to go with the wine. He thought WOW, how nice! When he told me, I thought, uh huh, grooming for a three-some. He almost vowed to me that he "has no interest in any of these women..." well "he kinda would sleep with the Latina, but she has a kid and he swears off sex with women with kids...; and the black girl has ugly tattoos all over and is totally not his type." I told him to believe whatever he wants, but neighbors don't ask each other out on a Saturday night, a prominent "date night," without intentions.
It's not the holidays, and it's not like they need his company...two of them and one of him. He's already told them he doesn't have a girlfriend and that I am "just a good friend," hence he is "fair game". I have never heard of this kind of neighbor. A social meet-up between neighbors is more like getting together for a game of cards, softball, poker, watching sports, or even having dinner as a group in the complex; but not going out as a three-some on Saturday night, where you get a baby-sitter for your kid and "dress up sexy-like" with your roommate and a really cute man on your arm. Huh? What's that about? However, I bet he feels more secure at home now that he knows there are two willing and friendly women just next door, if he ever gets sick, falls and can't get up, or "worst reality," die in his apartment alone. Maybe they feel more secure knowing who lives next door and that they have begun a relationship of sorts with him. He's cute if they ever need a date, you know...to those holiday parties and family gatherings that they will need to show a boy "friend" for; and he is probably very helpful if they find themselves in an abusive situation...or if they've fallen and can't get up....
I think I'd better start asking my neighbors out to dinner and such. Would it be weird for a single girl neighbor, me, to ask a couple out for drinks? The new people who just moved in next door seem nice. They actually introduced themselves to me and smiled and stuff. Hmm...I wonder whether they play poker or dominoes...or whether they make friends with people regardless of whether it's holiday season or not....
It is almost a certainty that the woman mentioned in the earliest paragraphs had neighbors who were religious and who probably celebrated holidays. She, herself, probably attended a church with some of these neighbors. None of this should matter when it comes down to ethics, morality, and being kind and cordial to another human being. None of this should matter when it comes to the life of another person. I believe that if this man was observed mistreating a dog or some other "treasured" pet, someone would have called the authorities. Folks are very passionate about their animals.....hardly so about their neighbors and other humans..."a crying shame."
If I were the manager of an apartment complex, I would plan monthly meet-ups for tenants. They should come out, say on the 15th of every month, and eat, drink, play games, and talk regardless of whether it's the holidays or not. This way, genuine friendships are formed without the overtones of the holidays and people get into the habit of checking in cordially with each other. This means there is more room to formulate the facts about who our neighbors are, what they do, and to what extent we can trust them. This lends to a generally positive experience living in the community and among people of different mores and lifestyles. Families, single people, elderly people, virtually everyone will find support, community and friendships easier in these scenarios and especially in Los Angeles County, one of the loneliest places on earth. This we will have all year, because we care about and want to associate with our neighbors, not just because of any "spirit of the season".
No doubt, if everyone is socializing in general, there will be ample opportunities to even network with neighbors. I often wonder how many single people are in my complex who go out alone and would probably welcome company. How many people would love to have a professional, licensed, massage therapist within reach after lifting and moving and cleaning or after a very stressful day at work. If you get to know the therapist living and practicing next door, you might even get a deal since they don't really have to travel to you, etc. You probably have assigned parking so parking issue's fixed and it's a short walk to your flat afterwards or, better yet have him or her do the short walk to you. One must agree that this is important to home, health and family life, right?
If you are a good neighbor, maybe this female MT will appreciate your being a "security contact" wherein she will call or indicate to you when she has a male client scheduled. I like to let someone know the name of the person coming over, where they're coming from and how long their session will last (sometimes even physical and ethnic description too). I do this before the client comes and then confirm with my "contact" when the client gets here. It's for my own safety. This way someone knows who and what's up, and my client knows someone's looking out for me. My "contact" will call or show up about 5 minutes past the end time to make sure I'm o.k. Being the "security contact neighbor" might bring you all kinds of props, e.g. free or discounted professional massages! All the suspicion that usually causes the peeping out the holes in the doors could then be unnecessary. You now know only legal, dignified and professional work is going on next door and it's proven unrelated to the porn industry. The therapist's safety, as well as your safety in the neighborhood is important. Everyone is affected when something happens in the neighborhood. Above all, you would have made a friend and have proven to be a good neighbour to your neighbor.
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